When you have trust issues

Trust me.

We are in 2012 and my instructor is prepping me before my first hang-glider flight.

He says this as if it was a decision to make.

That day I decided to trust him as we ran and jumped into the sky.

I agree that trusting can be a decision.

We decide to allow someone into our life, into our heart.

We decide to give them a chance so that we can continue to build trust over time.

But how do we get there, ready to trust?

Especially if we’ve been disappointed, hurt.

When we’ve built an armor around our heart.

When we expect the worst to happen when we start feeling good in a relationship.

When we hold ourselves back from sharing our emotional needs.

We build that trust within.

And we do this by growing our relationship to ourselves.

Becoming aware of our emotional needs and learning to meet them. Over and over.

Making our decision the right decision.

Setting boundaries and enforcing them.

Knowing that whatever happens, we have our own back.

This is our parachute.

When we have this inner trust, this inner safety, it becomes simpler to open up and welcome someone in our life.

When we are truly intimate with ourselves, we are comfortable being intimate with someone else.

We can easily say things as:

“I’m feeling overwhelmed… can you hold me tight in your arms?”

“I’m processing something right now; I’m going to take some time by myself before coming back to you.”

Being connected to our needs and meeting them is really what gives us security in our relationships – not our partner, not what they are doing or not doing, not them choosing us or not choosing us.