How we choose our partners

Yesterday I caught up with a friend who has been single for years before meeting her current partner.
She was telling me how she used to have these intense crushes.
The guys were hot and that’s what was attracting her.

The storyline was the same over and over.
She was quickly falling in love, making her whole world about them. She was desperately trying to get their attention, obsessing if they were not responding as she expected them to.
And… it didn’t last long as the men ended up running away.

She suffered a lot during this time.
But mostly she was angry at herself.
And wondering what the f*ck was wrong with her.
Because except their physical appearance, these guys were not at all what she was looking for.

So why all this passion?
Why would a beautiful, successful woman “lose her mind”, act as she had forgotten her own value?

Well, we mostly choose our partners for unconscious reasons.

Sometimes it’s about recreating relationships dynamic we had with our parents.
Sometimes it’s about looking for a part of us that we have been pushing away.
And for some people, like my friend, the underlying drive is a need for validation. When you keep being attracted to good looks, or good status… you might be trying to confirm that you are worthy.

When you understand your deeper motives in relationships you get magic keys to navigate the dating world in much easier – and efficient – way.

PS: And there are other ways to feel worthy that don’t involve drama ;)