What’s essential for both dealing with your in-laws and sex?
Boundaries!
Lacking boundaries looks like:
Tolerating insensitive comments from your boss
Accepting to go to a family gathering when really you don’t want to
Having sex when you are not a full yes
When you overstep your boundaries, you might feel something is off. It might come up as anger, shame or sadness. It might take you some time to realize what has happened, if you realize it at all.
Most of us haven’t been taught what boundaries are, how to find what OUR boundaries are, and how to hold them.
Some people misunderstand boundaries as being rigid, like a fence of protection but really, it’s more a sense of self.
Simply put, boundaries are knowing what you want and what you don’t want, when you are a Yes or a No and expressing it with other people. But to be able to do this, you need to be in touch with yourself, your desires and your emotions.
I see it as a virtuous cycle: The more connected you are to yourself, the more awareness you have around your needs and desires, the more you’ll be able to set and maintain boundaries. And the more you have boundaries, the more you will respect and love yourself. So, boundaries are both a result of self-love and a tool of self-love.
Boundaries are essential to create healthy relationships. When you respect your own needs, you are more likely to respect others’ need, to understand and not take things personally.
Having boundaries looks like:
Telling your friend “I’m not available to talk right now. But later yes.”
Telling your mum “Your opinion on my life is not welcome”
Telling your lover “I don’t want to be touched here”
Where in your life are you good with boundaries?
Where in your life are you struggling with boundaries?
