The Four Agreements applied to dating

Have you heard about the Four agreements?

This wisdom, coming from the ancient Toltec civilization, aims to transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness and love through a powerful code of conduct.

This knowledge is a fantastic resource when looking for a relationship, especially one where you are treated with the love and respect you deserve.

The key idea is that since we were born, we have been influenced by society, our parents’ beliefs, media, religion, etc. to see the world, think and behave in a certain way to belong to society. But while we live according to these beliefs, we are not living our own Truth, which make us suffer.

Following the 4 agreements lead us to realize we have the power to agree or not with this conditioning, and choose new agreements/beliefs in alignment with our Truth, our own narrative that supports our thriving.

So, let’s look at each of the agreements…

1. Be impeccable with your words

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

This agreement highlights the importance of the words we use as they reveal our thoughts about ourselves and about others.

Not only should we speak our mind, but we should act according to our feelings.

If you are into someone, try expressing that interest.

Don’t try and pretend you are someone different to fit his/her ideal. Don’t hide who you are. Don’t agree when you don’t actually agree.

Don’t put yourself down in front of other people. Notice how you talk about yourself.

Most of all, don’t put yourself down in own head. This is so important! It may not be easy at first but you can start noticing your inner talk, what you tell yourself about yourself. Most of us have a strong inner critic or inner judge that has been there for a while. So, when you start paying attention you may be shocked at the nature of your thoughts but there it is really important to hold yourself with love and compassion, not going into more judgment. Notice and start choosing how you want to be talking about yourself.

2. Don’t take anything personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Another excellent piece of advice while dating!

When you are looking for love you go out and meet people, some will be into you and others won’t. It’s just how it works. We are not into all people crossing our paths. So, if your romantic interest doesn’t share your feelings, it doesn’t mean anything about you, about your worth.

If you practice this agreement each time you experience rejection, if you realize it has nothing to do with you, if you own your worthiness at each opportunity, you will grow so much. And you will avoid spending your precious time spinning in drama.

And once you have your dream partner you will be ready for the next challenge… Not taking things personally in the relationship!

3. Don’t make assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

When you see someone you’re attracted to you might think “I’m probably not his type”; “He must have a girlfriend already”; “We wouldn’t have anything to talk about”, etc. instead of going towards the person and just getting to know them. All these thoughts, which are reflections of our deepest fears, prevent us to move forward, and to show up vulnerably, when in fact we have no idea of someone else’s experience.

Most of us interpret words and actions of others. In fact, we are wired this way: when we have a question (for ex: is he interested in me?) our brain is going to spend a lot of energy trying to answer it, making whatever he/she said or did mean something (for ex: he took 5h 34 min and 3 sec to answer my last text = he's not into me).

So, try taking actions, asking questions and expressing yourself instead of overthinking.

Find out if she’s your type.

Let him tell you if he has a girlfriend.

Discover if you have nothing to talk about.

Chances are you’ll be surprised at how often you’re wrong. And every time you challenge your limiting beliefs, you’ll strip another layer away.

4. Always do your best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

The journey towards love and healthy relationships can be bumpy. In challenging times don’t beat yourself up (I should have said that, I should have done this, etc.), be kind to yourself. Recognize the determination you are showing on this path.

Your motivation and energy levels vary constantly so listen to your inner weather and respect your limits and needs (for ex: say no to some friends and choosing to stay at home instead when you’re feeling low). Find your own balance between not doing enough and doing too much.