My 10 tips on How to survive a breakup

A breakup is f*cking hard

You’re grieving the loss of a relationship, of a lover, maybe of a best friend, of the person you were with them.

A heartbreak can even impact your physical heart 😱

We tend to think time will heal – and it’s partially true – but there are concrete steps you can take to help you go through a breakup and get across the other side, ready for your next relationship

Here are my top 10 tips.

1.     Take your time

As much time as you need. There is no timeline for healing a heartbreak and the journey is not linear. Some days you will feel better, others you won’t. Let go of your wishes & expectations to heal faster. Try to accept where you are at, moment by moment. This is real self-love.

2.     Feel your emotions

Give yourself permission to feel all the feels. Allow the pain, sadness, anger, grief. Feel them as sensations in your body (heaviness in the chest, tightness in the stomach…). Layer after layer. Allow your heart to ache. It will feel like it’s getting deeper and then it will feel lighter.

3.     Don’t go into stories

Notice what you are telling yourself (it’ll never be as good, once again it didn’t work, etc.) and stop yourself from making the breakup mean anything about you, your lovability, your future relationships, or about your ex. Journaling will help you to get perspective on your thoughts.

4.     Focus on self-care & self-love

More than ever, you want to be loving & compassionate towards yourself during that time. Treat yourself with love. Ask yourself “what can I do that feels the most loving?” (a hot bath, asking a friend for a talk or a hug…). Keep honoring and prioritizing your needs.

5.     Look after your health

Make sure you exercise regularly to activate your endorphins, keep your energy levels, support your sleep and appetite… and feel GOOD! Trust me, you want to be feeling good if you’re going through a breakup.

Eat healthy, nourishing food to support your body and mental health. It’s easy to let go of eating well when we are sad, but now is not the time to eat sh*t.

6.     Create a routine

Because you are likely caught up in a whirlwind of emotions you want to set a routine to help you stay healthy and somehow centered to keep going. Each week plan when you’ll be working, exercising, seeing friends, relaxing… Having a bit of structure will also help you focus on what is working in your life.

7.     Stop being in contact with your ex

At least initially, for the time needed to heal.

Block them on social media. Watching your ex pop up on feed is NOT helpful at all.

And if you’re stalking them: STOP right now.

8.     Reflect upon what didn’t work out in the relationship

Look at where you were not met, what was not working (vision, values, personality, unmet needs…). Write it down. It will help the day you feel desperate and want to call them back. It will also help you clarify what you want in your next relationship.

9.     Reflect upon what you learned from this relationship

Look for what you learned from this relationship. What did you learn about yourself? About your needs? About your values?

10.  Seek outside support

A therapist or a coach can help you go through a breakup. To help you process your emotions, clean up your mind and stories, work towards acceptance, map out how you’re going to get through the next week… or simply be heard.